wat?!?! RSS

Archive

Nov
3rd
Tue
permalink

Raving Racists...

  • (Talking about going to Santacon as Rave Santa)
  • Dan: ... and you could wear rave gear, with glow sticks and bright colours!
  • Scott: But it'd only work if we went somewhere with fluorescents.
  • Jazz: Scott. We call them "Asians" now...
permalink

Toilet Lol.

  • (One day earlier, Scott wanders into the bathroom)
  • Scott: *pause* DAVID, YOU WERE LAST IN HERE. WHY CAN'T YOU PUT THE TOILET ROLL ON THE HOLDER? IT'S NOT DIFFICULT. WHY SHOULD I HAVE TO DO IT?
  • (Today, Scott wanders into the bathoom)
  • Scott: *pause* DAVID, WHAT DID YOU DO? THE TOILET ROLL HOLDER IS ON THE FLOOR!
  • (David laughs like a little girl)
  • JAZZZZZZZZZZZZ!
  • Jazz: Hahaha...
Oct
30th
Fri
permalink

EXTREEEEEEEEEEME!

  • (After talking about getting rid of crap in the house)
  • Scott: That's illegal. That's flytipping.
  • Jazz: Ya know, I never got that. Why call it flytipping? If anything, it's extreme littering!
permalink

Paranoia... who said that? D:

  • (We were talking about the toxicity of marijuana and other drugs)
  • Sam: Weed can kill you because it can make you depressed and kill yourself. It makes you paranoid.
  • Jazz: Well, that just means you're going to think ~other~ people are going to kill you, really...
Jun
25th
Thu
permalink

What the shit?

  • Joe: (To Phil) So you had better clear your mess up, because if it's not done in the morning. I will take a huge shit in your bed. Agreed
  • Phil: Agreeeeed.
  • Jazz: I really hope he doesn't do it. I really want to see you shit in his bed. Haha..
  • Phil: So do I. So... do... I. Because then I'll shit in HIS bed.
  • Joe: What have I done to you?!
  • Phil: ...You'd have shit... in... my... bed....
permalink

Maybe she doesn't own a mirror...

  • Jazz: (To Lizzy) I just saw a girl who looks just like you!
  • Lizzy: What did she look like?
  • Jazz: ...
Apr
28th
Tue
permalink

Revenge is sweet...

  • Christie: [Talking about Joe] ... and he poured beer on my head! He's horrible. I'll have to get him back for that!
  • Joe: *protesting* Uh! What?! You already got me back.
  • Christie: What? When?!
  • Joe: When you came over last week and stayed with me...
permalink

May I have a Oreo?

  • Jazz: May I have one of those Oreos? I'm staaarving.
  • Joe: You may have AN Oreo.
  • Phil: Yes, Jazz. AN Oreo.
  • Jazz: Well, of course I'm going to have an Oreo. I'm not going to have A Oreo am I? That would be grammatically incorrect!
permalink

Hardened Battle Pigs

  • "freepostage": Swine Flu may be in my town!
  • Jazz: I'm glad to be English!
  • Jazz: No Swine Flu here!
  • "freepostage": Not YET!
  • Jazz: I HAVE THE IMMUNE SYSTEM OF A HARDENED BATTLE PIG!
  • Jazz: ...oh wait. D:
Mar
17th
Tue
permalink

OM NOM NOMINOUS!

  • (There is a knock at the door after ordering pizza.)
  • Jazz: Pizza!
  • Phil: Ooh, that sounds ominous...
  • Jazz: ... Ominous?
  • Phil: Om nom nominous.
  • Jazz: Hahaha.
Feb
18th
Wed
permalink
Feb
13th
Fri
permalink

Big Fat Fatty - Part 2.

  • (Kali is talking about her ex accusing her of seeing someone.)
  • Kali: And do you know who he said it was?
  • Jazz: I don't know... Dean? Haha.
  • Kali: No. He said I was seeing Derek***
  • Jazz: Derek?!?!
  • Kali: I asked him why he thought that, and he told me it was because I told him I wasn't going to go for my usual type.
  • Jazz: So Derek?
  • Kali: Yeah... I told him I wasn't going for my usual type, but I didn't want to go with a big, fat fattie!
  • Jazz: Kali, that's harsh. He's really nice.
  • Kali: Oh, I know. He's a sweetie, and anyway, he has a girlfriend.
  • Jazz: Really? Who would date that big, fat fattieeeee?
  • *** Names changed to protect the big, fat fatties.
permalink

Big Fat Fatty - Part 1.

  • (Kali and I are buying bread from the supermarket.)
  • Jazz: I always know when you've bought the bread, because you get the medium. I prefer thick, damnit!
  • Kali: If I had my way, I'd get wholegrain. All this white bread has been making me fat.
  • Jazz: Yeah. It's the white bread that's done it. Nothing to do with the sweets, and other crap you eat.
  • Kali: And the chocolate...
  • Jazz: Exactly. And you blame the bread!!
Feb
12th
Thu
permalink

The majority of the population? Kali is calling you!

  • Kali: Do you know any big friends?
  • Jazz: Uhh, yeah. Why? Darren is pretty big!
  • Kali: To help me go get my stuff back from Chris's.
  • Jazz: Oh, you mean to scare Chris? That's pretty much EVERYONE I know.
permalink

Not too difficult, but definitely hard.

  • GLP: I'm so damn tired. I've been up for 2 days.
  • Jazz: Aren't you supposed to see a Doctor if it lasts more than 2 days?
  • GLP: I wouldn't see a doctor. I'd just need a line of women.
  • Laura: WHAT WHY WOULD YOU NEED A LINE? WHY NOT JUST ONE WOMAN?
  • Jazz: Don't worry, he's not being disrespectful to women. He doesn't want them to get sore. 2 days of constant sex will cause chafing!